Think of making friends, like dating.
Making friends is weird.
When we were five on the playground it was easy. We have the same things in common, opposite sex had cooties and life was simple.
As an adult, things are more complicated. We are at different stages of life. We have different interests--at five who knew there were so many things to do. Different political views, who knew what those were at five. Even different financial situations drive friend circles.
Its important to remember that its normal to think making friends as an adult is hard or weird. Its a weird concept to talk about. We didn’t normally have to even think about it at five. Let alone read about it.
Making friends is like dating, and once you think of it that way it gets easier. You can think in terms of what makes a good friend and what you want to do with your friends. And like dating, its easier to accept not everyone will be a good fit or make the cut.
Pause here, and think for a second what qualities does your ideal friend have and what do you and this ideal friend like to do for fun. If that makes you think of someone you already know, great get in contact with them and hang out with them and their friends.
Either way, we can always be open to meeting more people as well.
As an adult, things are more complicated. We are at different stages of life. We have different interests--at five who knew there were so many things to do. Different political views, who knew what those were at five. Even different financial situations drive friend circles.
Its important to remember that its normal to think making friends as an adult is hard or weird. Its a weird concept to talk about. We didn’t normally have to even think about it at five. Let alone read about it.
Making friends is like dating, and once you think of it that way it gets easier. You can think in terms of what makes a good friend and what you want to do with your friends. And like dating, its easier to accept not everyone will be a good fit or make the cut.
Pause here, and think for a second what qualities does your ideal friend have and what do you and this ideal friend like to do for fun. If that makes you think of someone you already know, great get in contact with them and hang out with them and their friends.
Either way, we can always be open to meeting more people as well.
Searching for common interests.
Starting with doing then interviewing for qualities is always easier than the reverse. People who enjoy doing activities you want to do, are likely doing them or looking for someone to do them with.
So if you and your new friend will be kitesurfing every other weekend and going to craft breweries after to unwind, start there. You might not know how to kitesurf so maybe it is a group class, meet up or friend of a friend who showed interest--give it a go. You may have some awkward interactions, like dating, but you will come out with experiences or at least learn how to kitesurf.
Here are some ideas and tips on where to start.
Don’t be afraid to take a chance and ask. Making friends is awkward for everyone, not just you. Your new potential friend may have just as much anxiety about asking a new stranger, soon to be friend, for a coffee or a hike. Make it easy on them and beat them to the punch.
So if you and your new friend will be kitesurfing every other weekend and going to craft breweries after to unwind, start there. You might not know how to kitesurf so maybe it is a group class, meet up or friend of a friend who showed interest--give it a go. You may have some awkward interactions, like dating, but you will come out with experiences or at least learn how to kitesurf.
Here are some ideas and tips on where to start.
- Friends of Friends - If you moved to a new city ask friends if they know anyone there. Friends love to help each other out.
- Join Meetup - There are lots of people already doing things you are interested in doing or learning. Most importantly groups like these are full of people also looking to meet other people.
- Co-Workers - Make an effort with co-workers. Just be sure to focus on common interests instead of complaining about work--its more fun and healthier that way.
- Volunteer Somewhere - A great place to meet people with similar interests is through volunteering.
- Be Present - Your day to day is full of random encounters and being present, striking up a conversation with your morning barista could take you anywhere.
Don’t be afraid to take a chance and ask. Making friends is awkward for everyone, not just you. Your new potential friend may have just as much anxiety about asking a new stranger, soon to be friend, for a coffee or a hike. Make it easy on them and beat them to the punch.
Have fun with it.
Your searching for common interests, interests you enjoy or are looking to try out. How do you know if you like jujitsu or sailing until you try. Look at this as a way to try and learn new things with someone new. If it doesn’t blossom into your new best friend, at least you got a story, met someone new and learned something.
Always be present. If you are hanging out with a new potential friend, keep that phone in your pocket. Be present and focus on the person in front of you, listen and be listened to. The only way you can filter for the personality qualities you are looking for in a friend is to communicate. Listen to stories that might suss out the qualities you are looking for.
Dont know what to talk about? Ask how they got where they are, why they agreed to go on a friend date with you, who they are as a person. If you still need inspiration, here are 350 more questions. Make sure to avoid yes or no questions. Use conversation starters that are open ended or even require thought or a story to answer.
Always be present. If you are hanging out with a new potential friend, keep that phone in your pocket. Be present and focus on the person in front of you, listen and be listened to. The only way you can filter for the personality qualities you are looking for in a friend is to communicate. Listen to stories that might suss out the qualities you are looking for.
Dont know what to talk about? Ask how they got where they are, why they agreed to go on a friend date with you, who they are as a person. If you still need inspiration, here are 350 more questions. Make sure to avoid yes or no questions. Use conversation starters that are open ended or even require thought or a story to answer.
Gardening
All relationships are like gardening. After you have planted the seed, your interests and personalities align, managing the relationship is next.
To manage your relationships you need to be consistent, be genuine and be present. We have an article on tips and tricks to grow relationships.
Popple is a personal contact relationship manager, with the goal of helping you stay connected without selling your data. Let Popple help you grow your new friend garden.
To manage your relationships you need to be consistent, be genuine and be present. We have an article on tips and tricks to grow relationships.
Popple is a personal contact relationship manager, with the goal of helping you stay connected without selling your data. Let Popple help you grow your new friend garden.